Red Flags in Relationships

Asma Sherif Moneer

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As you’ve probably figured out, relationships - especially intimate relationships - are a place we have the potential to grow in a deep way… and can be similarly challenged. One of the things I learned from was in my pattern of disregarding red flags. I used to ignore things that should have caused me to pause and say, “Hey - let’s investigate this further. Let’s talk about this, because it doesn’t feel right.” I have some compassion for myself here. I had a history where I didn’t even have boundaries (or they were constantly violated) in my primary caregiving relationships. Maybe you’ve experienced this too. It can make knowing when to speak out about something really unclear and confusing - especially when this pattern happens in early childhood. Speaking for myself, I ignore red flags like the partner who took forever to start telling other people they were in a relationship. And the other who had to put back at least 2-3 shots of whiskey before we went out. And the other who quickly tucked their phone away when I walked in the room. Some of us may have had a partner who was suddenly emotionally labile and verbally abusive. Or who grabbed you a little too firmly… or groped your best friend. When red flags start to surface in your dynamic, it’s not necessarily time to say, “I’m out!” (although it can be). But it can also be a moment of reassessment. A time to take a step back, reflect, and even talk about it. It’s also important to ask ourselves if we’re in a place where we can stay connected to our truth and values. To our true selves, our authentic selves. Because when we’re not and we ignore red flags that our true self is trying to warn us about, we end up betraying ourselves. When we see the red flag and make a conscious decision in that moment to ignore it and move forward anyway - disconnected from our true self - we end up with a relationship b

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