If I Stand Still

I want to find joy again in my job. If I stand still maybe the pain will go away. I close my eyes And I pray In the silence, I instantly rush to a first thought And then a second And a third Rapid fire "You are not there" "You do not care" This anxiety and raging mind - could it be blind? It is not kind The surface waves crash, making thunderous sounds Crashing and crashing Upon the shore, and the surface of the sea That is my mind It is not me I close my eyes And I struggle There is knocking at my heart I hurt to even glimpse down towards chest wall It aches for something I cannot comprehend Not with these thoughts rushing through And crashing I want distraction, some temptation to guide me away From this hurt From this heart From this head And the knocking I close my eyes Keeping them shut I do not move; I do not quake I allow the waves to overtake me As ... I ... awake As I am submerged Into the deeper place A different space Below the surface of the sea In a world sublime Colors Coral In stillness Sunbeams silent hitting ocean floor Could there be more? I close my eyes And though chaos rolls all around this bubble That is my cave underwater Yes I am there And yes I do care It's all I really need As heartaches soften into silence And peace arises without a word All that is left is all that I can be Nothing really more to hear, think or say It is me Of this I pray — Jim Ellis --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/daphney-phillip/message