When It Comes To Family, We Have To Be Kind

<p>Marcus Aurelius’s step brother Lucius Verus was hardly a great man. Unlike Marcus, he was not as driven or as a smart. He was not always so diligent in his responsibilities. We hear that he liked to party. But still, Marcus loved his step-brother and not only found a role for him leading the troops, he celebrated his accomplishments as well, sometimes at the expense of his own. Would Marcus have treated his other generals so generously? Doubtful. </p><p>In Rome it was said that “not all men could be Catos” and that included Cato’s own brother, Caepio. Caepio was more Stoic than Lucius Verus, but he also loved luxury, at least compared to his brother. <a href='https://dailystoic.com/cato/?utm_source=convertkit&amp;utm_medium=convertkit&amp;utm_campaign=stand-up-stand-out'>Did it bother Cato</a> that his brother wore perfume? Would he have judged other men harshly for doing the same thing? Probably. </p><p><a href='https://geni.us/XM3I'>But as Bruce Springsteen put it in one of his greatest songs</a>—“when it’s your brother, sometimes you look the other way.” Is this Stoic? To hold people you love to different standards? To let them get away with things you wouldn’t do yourself? Maybe. Maybe not. It’s also life. </p><p><a href='https://dailystoic.com/epictetus/?utm_source=convertkit&amp;utm_medium=convertkit&amp;utm_campaign=stand-up-stand-out'>In Epictetus’s famous metaphor</a> that “everything has two handles,” one which will hold weight and the other which will not, he actually references this exact kind of situation. You can choose to grab hold of the fact that something wrong has been done to you, or you can choose to grab hold of the fact that it was done by your brother, someone you were raised with, someone who loves you and has a good heart. Which one of those is a better handle? </p><p><a href='https://dailystoic.com/marcus-aurelius/?utm_source=convertkit&amp;utm_medium=convertkit&amp;utm_campaign=stand-up-stand-out'>Marcus Aurelius</a> and Cato could have looked down on their brothers. Instead, they l