The Unconscious Indulgence of Pain, Suffering, and Struggle

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This past week, a theme popped up multiple times in my work. And it’s a theme that I used to run unconsciously as well. It goes something like this…</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I have to struggle to succeed.”</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“People who suffer deserve to succeed.”</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Life is pain.” </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The more I can overcome pain and suffering, the more I prove my worthiness.”</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I was a single mom, I had several girlfriends who were in similar circumstances. We were all hardworking professional single moms who were bringing home (and cooking and serving) the bacon. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We were carting our kids around and supervising homework in between closing deals. We’d get together to sympathize with one another, pump each other up, and lick each others’ war wounds. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Heck, we were proud of those wounds. We were overcoming the hardships — we were doing it!</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And at some point, it just became sad. If we were so awesome, why didn’t we have the partner we deserved? Why were our clients and customers such jerks sometimes? Why was life so exhausting?</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If this sounds familiar, it’s time to change the channel with a reframe. Changing  can be especially challenging when you live in an environment that glorifies suffering for a cause or for “the team.” This looks like: “Put in your time, and you’ll get the gold watch” (or the plaque, fancy vacation, or a handsome deposit in your 401K). </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When the primary focus is on the struggle, the rewards may eventually come, but they’ll be over in an instant because the modus operandi, the d