Reframing Shame Spirals to Empower Yourself

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In helping clients and students with changework, I’ve noticed that shame often weasels its way into the change process. It often shows up, disguised as a motivator...which can only be effective in the very short term. Shame is too disempowering to be used as an enduring tool for positive change. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That goes for yourself and for those trying to shame others (maybe you) into change. In the long-run, it’s a losing battle. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Momentum is going to happen whether we like it or not. Momentum tends to spiral into either a positive or a negative direction. And, believe me, shame is not going to propel you in a positive direction in a sustainable way.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why not? Because shame diminishes our self-worth. It causes us to experience a sense of deep powerlessness. It leads to demotivation...the ultimate stuckness. And can eventually lead to a downward spiral.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So let’s ditch the shame “motivator” that will only derail our attempts of positive change and replace it with momentum in a positive direction. Think of it as an upwards empowering spiral. </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>Separate what you do from who you are.</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">You are so much more than your behavior, which is mostly based on conditioning given to you by someone else. You have the power to change your ideas, your beliefs, your behavior. So don’t let yourself or anyone else define you by your current or past behavior.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>Recognize what triggers your shame.</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">When you can recognize triggers, you’ll have a greater ability to avoid triggers and to recognize the trigger in the moment. When you can be aware in the moment, you’ll have access to more options.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>Reframe negative