Hurry Up and Wait

<p>Figs and Teale share a session digging into a recurring negative cycle triggered by waiting and discuss the difference between vulnerable or "Primary" feelings and "Secondary" blaming reactions and how even the littlest of things can have a big impact.</p><p><strong>Timestamps:</strong></p><p>00:00 Teaser</p><p>01:06 Chit-chat, "This couples counseling thing is really good for us."</p><p>02:10 Introduction to session — The hurt behind the negative cycle </p><p>04:33 Teale's example: The Pursuer / Relentless Lover's perspective</p><p>05:56 The Withdrawer / Reluctant Lover's perspective</p><p>06:39 Negative infinity loop</p><p>07:14 Understanding "Primary" and "Secondary"</p><p>09:30 Finding the primary within Teale's example</p><p>10:51 Session begins — "We can get in a cycle"</p><p>10:59 Habits: Figs gives himself extra time, Teale fits in as much as she can</p><p>11:56 Top of cycle: Figs feels let down when by Teale's style of task/time management</p><p>13:13 Teale describes becoming defensive, pissed off in turn</p><p>14:54 Teale describes how she eventually shifts into placating Figs</p><p>16:57 Figs feels like he's overly sensitive — exploring waiting and overwhelm</p><p>18:56 Top of the cycle recap: Figs feels alone and blames Teale, Teale defends herself</p><p>19:21 The deeper rounds: Figs feels self-protective</p><p>20:28 "Legit" Statistic: Teale initiates repair 99.99% of the time</p><p>20:46 Relationship shift: "Teale will tell me all the possible things I will do to make things better and how none of them will work."</p><p>21:53 Figs feels even more trapped</p><p>22:54 Going to Alaska: Figs is inclined to stay in disconnection because of feelings of unworthiness</p><p>24:39 Teale feels frustrated and alone when Figs pulls away</p><p>26:48 Figs feels he gets in trouble when he thinks he's "the good one" and says so, but Teale is so far above Figs when she's the good one he doesn't know where to go</p><p>27:36 Teale's vulnerable / connected moment during yesterday's conflict</p><p>29:45 Teale feels she