How to Stop People Pleasing

<p>One of the most common issues my clients come to me for coaching on is their tendency to people-please.</p><p>On the one hand, we can feel good when we do things for other people. This is <strong>pure</strong> generosity and kindness.</p><p>But with people-pleasing, doing things for other people is the MAIN source of joy and often comes at the <strong>expense</strong> of self-love and self-care. And the <strong>intention</strong> behind it stems from insecurity and fear.</p><p>When we people please, we are not being authentic and living our truth. People pleasing leads to doing and saying things because you want to affect or change the way the people think about you. Or because you think <strong>their</strong> needs are more important than yours.</p><p>It can come in many forms — avoiding speaking up when someone says/does something racist to avoid their/your discomfort; not advocating for yourself in a partnership because you’re afraid they’ll love you less if you ask for what you need; avoiding being honest about something you don’t like that your partner does in bed...and MUCH more. (<i>**To be clear, these situations are nuanced; I am NOT victim blaming here, or referring to the complex safety issues – experienced more acutely at work and in everyday life by BIPOC – that may necessitate certain strategic forms of carrying oneself. More on this in the pod;</i>)</p><p>Can you see how people pleasing is also closely related to your level of confidence, to <i>ziji</i>? And to self-<strong>love</strong>?</p><p>All this people pleasing is also <strong>exhausting</strong>, because not being yourself and honoring your truth is fucking exhausting. You spend all day wondering how other people might see you or what they might think. You’re so afraid of disappointing other people, you end up being a version of yourself that isn’t<i> you </i>– not your <i>whole </i>self, anyway.</p><p>You put someone else’s happiness in front of yours. You prioritize their needs over your own.</p><p>And you know what?</p><p>Oftentimes