How to Forgive Yourself

<p>Guilt sucks. I was raised in a devoted Catholic family, and while there were some things I really appreciated about it, it also came with a healthy dose of guilt. I was constantly wondering if I was a bad person because of having to go to confession on a regular basis. I remember making stuff up during confession because we had to go so often, and I didn’t always think there was anything I did “wrong.” Over time, I learned to feel really guilty - not just about the big things, but about every little way I might have messed up.</p><p>Even if you weren’t raised that way in your family, in Western <strong>culture </strong>we are in a context of the human being seen as being born imperfect and with a concept of “original sin,” something inherently wrong.</p><p>For so many people that I've worked with, at the root of whatever is going on in terms of suffering, there is also this sense of not being forgivable or unlovable. That something is just intrinsically not OK with them.</p><p>Yet the ability to forgive - others and ourselves - that’s where the freedom to really begin to love and live fully begins.</p><p>Today I want to talk about what makes it so hard to forgive ourselves, and how to DO that (I spoke about how to forgive <strong>others </strong>in Episode 34, so be sure to check that out too).</p><p>The process of forgiveness is really one of releasing the stories of guilt, shame and blame, and opening to and contacting vulnerability. It's a challenging process. Not for the faint of heart</p><p><strong>Why do we get stuck in guilt and shame?</strong></p><p>In Western culture, people were told for thousands of years that we were born imperfect. It gets amplified if we grow up in a family where there's a lot of judgment or criticism, or if in some deep way, our needs aren't met. To try to survive or meet our needs, we behave in ways that can cause harm.</p><p>Because of this, many people believe that they are unforgivable. When we're caught in this our reality is narrowed and fixated. We only focus on the hurt