Guy attempts suicide-by-cop after testing positive for coronavirus

<p><strong><span style="font-size: 8pt;">## NYCCR -- APRIL 3 -- 28/2020 TALEEB STARKES, BEN MANNES</span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-size: 8pt;">POLICE ARE QUESTIONING A PERSON OF INTEREST IN THE <strong>SUBWAY FIRE THAT KILLED</strong> A CONDUCTOR ON THE EXPRESS BRONX-BOUND 2-TRAIN AND INJURED 16 OTHERS. NATHANIAL AVINGER HAS 39 PRIOR ARRESTS....</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 8pt;">DEEP IN VAST, MYSTERIOUS SUFFOLK COUNTY, <strong>A CAT WAS BEHEADED</strong>, THE POLICE HAVE NO LEADS AND IF YOU HAVE INFORMATION RELATED TO THE DECAPITATION OF THIS CAT CALL 1-800 ANU-MBER.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 8pt;">POLICE ARE INVESTIGATING THE DEATH OF A 62-YR-OLD MAN FOUND <strong>SPRAWLED ON THE FLOOR DEAD</strong> AT THE LAST STOP OF THE ASTORIA-DITMARS-BOUND N TRAIN AT 4:30am.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 8pt;">AN ACCUSED <strong>METH DEALER</strong> CAUGHT A BREAK BECAUSE OF <strong>THE VIRUS</strong> WHEN A SOFT-HEARTED FEDERAL JUDGE LET HIM TAKE HOUSE ARREST TO AVOID THE RESPIRATORY AILMENT. WHEN THE MAN IMMEDIATELY CUT OFF HIS ANKLE BRACELET, HE WAS RETURNED TO COURT AND TOSSED IN JAIL TO AWAIT TRIAL.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 8pt;"><strong>DECEASED INTERNATIONAL CHILD SEX-TRAFFICKER</strong> TO THE ELITE <strong>JEFFREY EPSTEIN</strong> BROUGHT NOW-CONVICTED RAPIST, THEN-POWERFUL HOLLYWOOD FILM MOGUL, HARVEY WEINSTEIN AROUND TO IMPRESS THE YOUNG LADIES IN HIS STABLE OF YOUNG HOOKERS, BUT GOT ANNOYED WHEN WEINSTEIN TRIED TO FUCK HIS FAVORITE PIECE OF ASS. TRUE STORY.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 8pt;">A 55-YR-OLD MAN WHO HAD JUST TESTED <strong>POSITIVE FOR THE VIRUS WAS SHOT BY POLICE</strong> WHEN THE MAN CALLED 911 ON HIMSELF IN AN ATTEMPTED SUICIDE BY COP.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 8pt;">NEW YORK CITY DOCTORS SAY AN APPRECIABLE NUMBER OF VIRUS-STRICKEN <strong>PATIENTS HAVE BEEN COUGHING AT, SPITTING ON</strong>, VERBALLY ABUSING STAFF MEMBERS AND TRASHING LOBBIES AS MEDICAL PERSONNEL TRY TO HELP THEM.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 8pt;">