Episode #167 - Mullets Are Religion

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What is a mullet? Well, it’s a mud sucking, bottom feeding fish which rightfully became the namesake of the confusing hairstyle that has prevailed as a badge of honor for those who feel compelled to demonstrate their white trash fashion. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Mullet Magnate is a classic rock outlaw. Forgetful but not forgotten. You know the song Eye of the Tiger? Well, it’s about him. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And he loves how this appearance keeps people guessing. Hmm, is he a Chevy or Ford guy? Budweiser or PBR? This struggle that it creates for those attempting to pinpoint his identity promotes a wily giggle while priding himself in keeping those corrupt, human trafficking liberals on their toes. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">At the end of the day, he’ll sit back with another self-proclaimed victory under his belt while rolling up a pinner of ditch weed. The checkerboard smile fumes from the rocking chair next to the creaky screen door on the front steps of the single-wide. There’s a sense of completion that comes with his keen advantage over the birdbrained society—knowing deeply that those idiots will never quite nail him down. Liberty is not only a concept represented by the American Flag decal on the back of his rusted trusted 1999 pickup, but something that America will inevitably reclaim after inconceivably electing a black president. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When it’s time for supper, the one functional burner gets ignited while the cigarette ash hovers over a large pot of near boiling Crisco oil, ready for the breaded filets that will be dropped. “This is the only way to cook a mullet,” he mumbles scratchily. “Otherwise, it tastes like ass.”</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It should be noted that his favorite dish is Granny’s Roast Possum with Apples and Yams. A meal he expects to enjoy at the side of his Baptist preacher