EP 91: Stop Sabotaging Your Relationship with Samantha

<p>This episode is about being able to accept love.  Today’s caller, Samantha is in a new loving relationship but has anxiety about it which is causing her to push her partner away. Ultimately, she fears she will sabotage the relationship.</p> <p>[For show notes go here: <a href= "http://christinehassler.com/episode91">Christinehassler.com/episode91</a>]</p> <p>When we lack self-love and acceptance we doubt our own lovability. When what we really want is coming to us we get scared and push it away, because we doubt our own lovability. When we doubt our own lovability it makes us do some sabotaging things when it comes to relationships.</p> <p>I gave Samantha some practical behavioral shifts, because awareness alone does not create change. If we think our past is part of who we are, we will never be truly free of it. We need to get the point where we realize the past is the past. It happened but it doesn’t have to be who we are.</p> <p>Many times when we have a difficult experience in our past, we hold on to it because having it gets us pity, love, compassion, and attention from others. On an unconscious level, we hang on to it because we think it is how we can get compassion and be connected to people. When we hold on to our story too much, it gets us in a trap of consistently attempting to heal the past, rather than make the behavioral choices that create what we want in the present and for the future.</p> <p>Eventually, you have to drop the story.</p> <p><em>You’ll notice I used a tough-love approach when coaching Samantha. To understand why I did it and the profound shifts that can occur because of it, check out my</em> <a href= "https://christinehassler.com/2017/05/05272017/"><em>Coaches Corner — Tough Love and People who Have Helped Me in Profound Ways.</em></a><em>  In last week’s Coaches Corner, I interviewed my friend Amanda Steinberg, author of</em> <a href= "https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjH0aH97KfUAhVDQCYKHWHlCskQFggnMAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.a