Ep. 76: Setting Better Boundaries

<p><a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/setting-better-boundaries/">Click for full show notes, exercises, and parenting scripts from this episode</a></p><p><br>Your 22-year-old son calls you asking for help on his tax forms. Then your 21-year-old daughter asks you to call roadside assistance for a flat tire. What do you do? Do you help, or let them figure it out on their own? Different parents have different solutions, but they all have the same question: as teenagers turn into adults, when does “helping” turn into “coddling?”</p><p>The answer is becoming more and more blurred with each passing year. As an increasing number of teenagers go off to college and emerge as young adults with low-paying jobs, student loans, and grad school applications, the role of parenthood is extending past the teenage years and into early adulthood. Most “twentysomethings” still need Mom and Dad for financial and emotional support, but is that okay? Should your child be paying rent to live at home? Are they on the right track, or are they falling behind? It’s crucial for you to know the difference. Otherwise, you might be reinforcing seriously harmful habits and hindering your child’s independence!</p><p>To understand this concept, I had a wonderful interview with Linda Perlman Gordon, author of five books and private psychoanalyst. Her book—<em>Mom, Can I Move Back In With You? A Survival Guide for Parents of Twentysomethings</em>—explores techniques and strategies for parenting children who are transitioning into adulthood. Many parents find themselves in this situation without resources or research to help, but as it turns out, most parents are in the same boat! These are exactly the parents Linda works with in her private practice and in group sessions.  </p><p><br>Gordon’s and co-author Susan Morris Shaffer’s work shows most parents feel awkward discussing their twentysomething “children,” when they really shouldn’t be! Modern times make it almost impossible for young adults to be completely independent post-college. In