EP 427: How to Tone Down Hyper-vigilance with Maria

<p dir="ltr">This coaching call is about giving ourselves the time to be where we are, even if we don’t like it. Today’s caller, Maria, has suffered recent losses. It is causing past grief to surface. She asks Christine for guidance on how to tone down her hyper-vigilance and move through the grief she is experiencing.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">[For show notes, go here: <a href= "http://christinehassler.com/episode427">Christinehassler.com/episode427</a>].</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Many of us get our idea of what a mother is based on our mother, the media, or other things that are so far off from what a mother actually is. A mother is not a martyr, not someone who sacrifices everything, has no life, or no sense of herself. It is also not abandoning a child, either physically or emotionally, because she’s so caught up in her own trauma.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">A mother is being a loving, nurturing model of what a healthy nervous system looks like, what nurturing looks like, what unconditional love looks like, what acceptance looks like, what boundaries look like, and what soothing looks like.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">When we are in a phase in life where we are still working out subconscious patterns and wounding, it is impossible to see red flags. If you are beating yourself up for red flags you didn’t see in situations, especially partnerships, please forgive yourself. You had to be in those relationships to wake up! Remember, we are naturally attracted to our dysfunction. We are naturally attracted to people who remind us of the parents who didn’t give us what we wanted.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Please forgive yourself. You can see the red flags now because you have done work. You couldn’t see them before. Give yourself a break. Self-beat has no place in healing. Give yourself that mothering or parental nurturing love that you so deserve. Sometimes it is not time to do the “work.” The work is nurturing, regulating, and resou