Behind the Scenes: CICADA Interview with Matthew Fifer

<p dir="ltr">The truth is, if I’d known what <em>Cicada</em> was going to be about, I’m not sure I would have watched the film.  I would have read the three sentence synopsis and surmised that it would be too painful, too grueling and that it would break my heart - and it was, and it did.  Though, beyond the stomach-knots and frustrated tears, there is so much beauty and love I would have otherwise missed.  To me, the cliche of having to know pain to know joy is only <em>sometimes</em> true.  There is nothing purposeful or deserving about any of this, which just sort of ends up making me want to go find a few people depicted in this movie and slash their tires, but I digress.</p> <h2 dir="ltr">Deep Breaths… Let me tell you about Cicada</h2> <h5 dir="ltr"><em>(Disclaimer: I was really hoping to find a Wiki link to the plot synopsis, because a writer I am not.  Also, as a straight, cis, white woman, I’m feeling particularly fraudulent.  That said, Cicada deserves to be represented in the best way. And alas, there isn’t a Wiki page, but it’s important to me that you know about this film, so here we go, and I am ever-so sorry in advance.)</em></h5> <p dir="ltr"><em>Cicada</em> is a queer love story that follows Ben (<a href= "https://www.imdb.com/name/nm4344290/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0">Matthew Fifer</a>) who is the co-writer/director of the film.  Fifer plays a fictionalized version of himself and allows us to watch the story of his own very personal struggles unfold.  It’s alluded to early on that something has happened to Fifer as a child, through a series of brief flashbacks. The film opens with a pretty intense montage of Ben’s numerous sexual encounters (<em>TMI, but I’ve dated ~4 people in my life, so after the first 20 minutes, it did take me a bit of time to scrape my jaw off the floor</em>).</p> <p dir="ltr">For Ben, it’s not about who, but more about how much and how often.  Beyond this, Ben feels perpetually ill (<em>you’re unsure if it’s legit or hypochondria, but what matters is that he doesn't feel well</em>