An invitation to Brotherhood

Hello Hedge School,<br/><br/>The brother in me died when my baby brother left this world. <br/><br/>Being a big brother was a gift bestowed to me. As a shy kid, it was the only role I felt at ease in. A signal that pulsed directly from my heart. I followed that signal often. <br/><br/>Into education. <br/><br/>Into coaching. <br/><br/>Into quiet counsel for those who needed patient ears and genuine curiosity. <br/><br/>My younger brother Aidan and I were compadres. Dressed as always by our mum as twins, we were peas in the pod. The same but different. Close in age. But destined to pull apart in search for our own space to hold. A space to stand eye to eye. <br/><br/>Man to man. <br/><br/>My sister Linda and I have always had a special bond. The podium dance partner. The shoulder to cry on. The test subject for her Doctorate experiments. She is a powerhouse with a heart as big as this world. <br/><br/>With four and a bit years separating us, we grew together. Life milestones charted in close proximity. <br/><br/>And then there was Kev. <br/><br/>Seven years age difference. I had a front row seat to all of his great adventures. He was, as all who met him knew, an old soul. The beauty in my relationship with Kev was that he let me play the big brother role full out. <br/><br/>Kindred mischievous spirits. <br/><br/>I taught him how to shave. How to use fake ID to get into clubs. How to play basketball. How to stick his finger up. Time well spent I say.<br/><br/>He taught me how to be sure of myself. How to be fearless. How to be a big brother. <br/><br/>So when he died, I couldn't hold the weight of being a big brother. Being in that energy hurt too much. Memories too raw so I pulled back. I felt this in all the spaces that I held. As a teacher. As a coach. As a father. <br/><br/>Like a forest burned to ground with wildfire, blackened char crumbled underfoot. Previous growth felled to the ground. <br/><br/>Torched with the ferocity of grief. <br/><br/>I etched this darkness into my skin. Black tattoos, skin etchings