A Meditation for Definitely Not Thinking About That One Coup

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hey Heifers! Since I am clearly v enlightened and one with the Universe, I took it upon myself to provide you with 30 minutes of relaxation that doesn't focus AT ALL on the current state of affairs. There are a few times where it pops up due to my stress but on the whole? A totally solid meditation. Well, aside from when my intern interrupts me worried about my mental state. So it's mostly a government coup-free meditation. Um. Enjoy?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Moo,</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Elaine</span></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>TIME STAMPS</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">00:00 Since everything has been so stressful lately, I figured we should do a super real, professional, totes legit meditation!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">01:23 Welcome to your guided meditation for coups. We're going to try to not think about them!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">03:35 First diversion: You are now a bear in a forest. A sassy, extended story begins involving your salmon and an evil canoe of rats. Namaste.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">07:30 The rats abandon ship, leaving behind the Rat King they supported for oh so long.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">11:11 Your guide has a breakdown.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">11:50 Mmk, let’s try this again. Onto Numerology!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">14:25 Your guide has a psychic vision!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">15:45 Um, okay, this still isn’t working, is it? Let’s try another visual: a farmer’s market with peaches!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">19:30 A dog from the farmer’s market follows you and demands you give hIM a PEACH.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">22:09 This...isn’t going well. Let’s visualize scrolling through Twitter to calm us down.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">26:22 Congratulations on reaching the end