64: Rebel or Control Freak? Why We Bounce from Being Overly Strict with Ourselves to Giving Up with Amanda

<p>Today’s caller, Amanda, wants to know how to stop obsessing about calorie counting, her physical appearance, and working out. Like many of the sessions, you hear on this podcast, the focus of our conversation takes a different direction. Amanda acknowledges she felt controlled by her parents growing up. And, the biggest thing I taught Amanda is how we often pair certain behaviors with love. For example, we know our parents are supposed to love us, so the way they parent us is what we think is love. In Amanda’s case, it was being strict because she knew her parents loved her. So, she formed a correlation between being strict and controlling, with love. Her attempts to parent herself, care for herself, and love herself the way her parents did, are a big part of her food and calorie counting obsession. She believes that is how she keeps herself safe, much like her parents thought their strict parenting would keep her safe. It ends up as a fear-based version of safety, and it’s exhausting. Another thing at play was Amanda’s history of rebelling. When we have one extreme that feels limiting, we go to the opposite extreme in an attempt to free ourselves. Amanda felt controlled, so to move away from it, she was rebellious and acted out to get free of the feeling of being controlled. <em>Coaches and Health Professionals</em> — are you practicing what you preach?  Are you attempting to save yourself through serving others? You can share your story and help others, but make yourself your own best client. We can’t shift ourselves by saving other people. Remember, it’s important for you to show people they do have a wisdom voice inside, and a part of them that is connected to a pure, untainted heart.   <strong>Consider/Ask Yourself:</strong> ● Are you a bit of a control freak in your life? Are there areas you are obsessive or rigid? ● Do you have an inner rebel? Does part of you act out or engage in addictive behavior? ● Are you in a profession where you are not practicing what you are preaching? ● Is your self-talk negat