52: Can You Change Someone? With Linsey

<p>Today’s caller, Linsey, is concerned her boyfriend may have an addiction to alcohol. She loves him and believes that if he can change they may be able to take their relationship to the next level. She thinks her problem is in her relationship but as our coaching session shows, it has very little to do with her partner and more to do with something deep within herself.  You cannot change other people. Your desire to change and heal yourself should not be attached to changing someone else. Focus only on yourself.    It is important to make healthy changes, even if it feels really scary. Unhealthy lifestyles feel familiar and safe because we have been in them for so long. It is crucial to find professional support and to be held accountable when we start making changes. It is difficult for us to do this on our own. Our ego doesn’t like it when we change because it craves certainty. And, as we start to grow in consciousness, the ego starts to hold on a little tighter. If listening to this call was uncomfortable for you or if it brought up some awareness around your own addictions, consider what you may be using to avoid feeling and dealing. This is why I am creating an Over It and On With It course to give you tools and resources to feel, deal and heal. Coaches — I could have coached Linsey to get out of her relationship. Personally, I hope she does distance herself from it to focus on her own healing. But, if I coached her in that direction she may have shut down. She said she loves him even though she knows he’s an addict. She feels safe being a co-dependent in the relationship due to her relationship with her mother. I didn’t want her ego to take over and for her to get defensive. It may not have been possible for her to get to the deeper awareness she reached during the call. It’s important to give someone the dignity of their process, instead of encouraging them to make a move they may not be ready to make. Would you like to connect to who you really are and discover your Secret Sauce? There is a free video t