4 Steps to De-escalate an Escalation

<p><a href='http://www.sherylkline.com/blog'>http://www.sherylkline.com/blog</a><br/><br/>Here’s a 4-step process and acronym to de-escalate a conversation with an egoic personality type that becomes emotional.<br/><br/>When you feel like clobbering a counterpart on the head, you can!:) That is, you can with your mindset and your words. Here’s how to <b>BAMM!</b><br/><br/><b>B</b>e empathetic.<br/>Have compassion for your counterpart and be empathetic to why he/she may feel/be acting a certain way. This is NOT for him/her per se. It’s so your tone communicates that you care and that he/she is heard. It also checks the box for one of the most important hierarchy of needs, safety. Before creating safety and visibility for your emotional counterpart, the conversation has nowhere to go but south.<br/><br/><b>A</b>sk about the emotion or frustration.<br/>Seems counterintuitive, right? Who wants to unleash more emotion?! You should, and here’s why. We make assumptions and judgments about why others get emotional or upset when in fact we really don’t know. Influence is about gathering information that you can then use later. Even if you’re wrong, you’ll likely learn something valuable. So, once you acknowledge what you think they might be thinking/feeling (for example, ‘It seems like not having the resources to complete your request is frustrating.’) and they start talking, you can say ‘I’m sorry this is upsetting. Can you tell me more?’ They should eventually run out of steam, realize what they are saying is unfounded, or give you an important piece of information. Either way, they’ll likely begin to de-escalate the conversation on their own.<br/><br/><b>M</b>ove to the next best step of integrity.<br/>These personality types love to be in control. Sound familiar? The next best step is to make them feel as if they are in control. Before you can do this effectively, be sure to know what your ideal outcome is, and what’s important to them. Now you can <em>craft a question</em> to get the conversation moving forward in th