31. Four Destructive Relationship Habits

<p>Brooke Rasmussen, a fellow Gottman Educator and mother of 7 is on the podcast this week to talk about the Four Horsemen, the four most common attitudes and behaviors that harm relationships.</p> <p><strong>These horsemen show up even in healthy relationships, but when you’re struggling the Four Horsemen seem to take over:</strong></p> <ol> <li>Criticism – when a complaint becomes a personal attack on your partner</li> <li>Contempt – when you take a position of moral superiority over your partner</li> <li>Defensiveness – using excuses, a victim position, or reversing blame to get your partner to back off</li> <li>Stonewalling – avoiding your partner by tuning out, turning away, or acting busy</li> </ol> <p><strong>The good news is there is an effective antidote to each bad habit:</strong></p> <ol> <li>Replace criticism with a soft startup – talking about your feelings using “I” statements and expressing a positive need.</li> <li>Replace contempt with gratitude – remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities and find gratitude for positive actions.</li> <li>Replace defensiveness with taking responsibility – accept your partner’s perspective and offer an apology for any wrongdoing.</li> <li>Replace stonewalling with self-soothing – take a healthy break and spend that time soothing your emotions.</li> </ol> <p>---</p> <p>Get the full show notes and links to the resources mentioned at sharoncostanzo.com/ep-31</p>