223. How to Support the Grieving: Megan Devine

<p>Megan Devine (<a href= "https://www.instagram.com/refugeingrief/">@refugeingrief</a>) is the author of <a href="https://geni.us/EUvAWl"><em>It’s OK That You’re Not OK</em></a>, and runs the <a href= "https://www.refugeingrief.com/30daywriting/">Writing Your Grief</a> workshop. It wasn’t until Megan, a therapist, experienced grief herself that she discovered how we as a culture utterly fail to support the grieving.</p> <p>As loyal listeners know, I experienced a tragedy several months ago. My healthy, active, 69-year-old mother died suddenly. An abnormal blood vessel – which she was born with, but didn’t know she had – burst in her brain.</p> <p>I lost my grandparents long ago, but losing my mother was by far my most profound experience with grief. For the first time, I found myself on the receiving end of attempts to acknowledge my own deep state of grief.</p> <p>Some attempts – which you’ll hear in today’s conversation – made me feel supported. Other attempts – which you’ll also hear – not so much.</p> <p>I also went to some grief support groups with my father, and was shocked at what I discovered: It was like a hidden underworld of grief. People who lost someone six months ago, or six years ago – all in pain, all struggling to feel supported by friends, coworkers, or even family.</p> <p>It helped me realize how poorly I, myself, had handled other people’s grief. Which is okay. Grief is by definition impossible. But we can always do better.</p> <p>If we’re going to love our work, we have to be kind to one another. And part of being kind is supporting others when they’re hurting.</p> <p>In this conversation, you’ll learn:</p> <ul> <li>What are the top things to never say when trying to support the grieving? The list could get impossibly long, so Megan will share a quick shortcut.</li> <li>You may have heard of five stages of grief. I won’t bother listing them, because these stages are horribly misunderstood. Learn why thinking of grief according to stages just makes things worse.</li> <li>The #1 thing that’s b