181: Why ‘giving choices’ doesn’t work – and what to do instead

<span style="font-weight: 400">‘Giving choices’ is a hot tool in the respectful parenting world.  In the scripts, it usually goes like this:</span> &nbsp; <span style="font-weight: 400">     Child: “I want a snack!”</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">     Parent: “OK!  Would you like an apple or a banana?”</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">     Child: “A banana, please!”</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">     And the parent hands over the banana.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400"> </span> <span style="font-weight: 400">But when you actually try it in your own home, it usually looks more like this:</span> <span style="font-weight: 400"> </span> <span style="font-weight: 400">     Your child: “I want a snack!”</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">     You: “OK! Would you like an apple or a banana?”</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">     Your child: “I want cookies!”</span> &nbsp; <span style="font-weight: 400">WHY IS THAT?!  Why does it never ‘work’ the way it’s supposed to?  Why doesn’t our child follow the script?</span> &nbsp; <span style="font-weight: 400">There’s a simple and easy reason, and in this episode I break it down - and teach you the effective tool to use instead of giving choices.</span> &nbsp; <strong>Jump to highlights:</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400">(00:54)</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">Many parenting coaches recommend giving children choices as a way to get them to</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">cooperate. </span> <span style="font-weight: 400">(02:43)</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">The effectiveness of using choices to our children</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">(05:47)</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">Reasons why giving choices makes us lose the possibility of meeting both of our needs</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">(08:01)</span> <span style="font-weight: 400">How using choices motivates children to do the things they wouldn’t want to do</span> <span style