180: Straight Talk Means Trouble A Plenty

<p>Japan doesn’t appreciate embarrassing truths.  The temptation to be right can be overwhelming to Western business people and is a fatal mistake in Japan.  This is a land founded on harmony and truth gets sacrificed on that alter every day.  Today we look at how to navigate our way through this mine field.</p> <p> </p> <p>You have to tell people how it is or you will lose power and authority.  If you swallow what you want to say, you will diminish yourself.  If you avoid hard conversations, you will have less influence.  You need to tell them exactly how you are feeling.  This was the tenor of the advice coming from a communication “guru”.  While listening to this, I thought this is absolutely going to fail in Japan, if not every where. </p> <p> </p> <p>This guru is appealing to an American audience, so there is the temptation to just dismiss this as typical excess.  There was however an earlier icon of communication skills named Dale Carnegie.  An American from (show me, don’t tell me) Missouri, who started training (brusque and brash) New Yorkers in 1912.  Despite being from the mid-West and teaching in the apocryphal rude capital of the universe, Dale Carnegie concluded that direct hard talk would fail.  Both men appealing to the same audience, but approaching the subject from diametrically opposing stances. </p> <p> </p> <p>Dale Carnegie’s human relations principles work well not only in Japan, they work well everywhere.  So rather than trying to ardently assert our rights, telling others how we feel and gaining power through strength of will, let’s try some proven methodologies that actually work.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Don’t criticize, condemn or complain</strong></p> <p>The guru gave the example of someone keeping you waiting, suggesting you “respectfully” tell them how you feel about that.  Dale Carnegie realised there was no point.  Even if you are polite, people become defensive and are irritated to be reminded that they are less than perfect.  You might think you have politely schooled them, but all