#151 - Competitive Eating is Stupid

<p>Is it just me, or is there nothing more cringeworthy than witnessing a dude shoveling cylindrical meat down his hot dog hole at breakneck speed while a throng of bystanders cheer him on as if he’s accomplishing a feat worthy of applause? I mean, what is the fascination with watching a guy with shark eyes inhaling unholy amounts of poor-quality food to the deepest part of the throat for the sole purpose of simply proving that we have officially reached the pinnacle of species entitlement?</p> <p>Who the fuck are we?</p> <p>For millennia, humans have scavenged overgrown forests and arid plains risking life and limb for the luxury of filling the belly maybe once a day if he was lucky. But now we are so detached from the hunter/gatherer reality, that we can make a mockery of the most sacred gift to anything living, which is the transference of life energy.</p> <p>I feel like we’re going to be punished for this someday. Like, there’s a giant flat screen in the sky and The Great Creator is smoking a spliff with his feet propped up on the ottoman while catching highlights on SportsCenter--and he enjoys a good contest, but this one pisses him off. So much so, that he teaches us a lesson with something called famine.</p> <p>Now, there are things in life that suck, but I’m pretty sure nothing sucks more than perpetual hunger.</p> <p>Throughout history, there have been examples of cultures relishing abundance for whatever reason. Like electronics in Times Square, the Rastafarians endlessly smoking dreadlock-sized joints, or the weirdo plastered with way too many tattoos. But food should be the one thing that is sacred.</p> <p>I’ve got an idea that would make competitive eating cool. Turn it into a biathlon where the second contest is who can pile up the most barf.</p> <p>And the loser washes the dishes.</p> <p>Now that would be worth watching.</p>