Laser Hops

<p>The first FA shortstop moves tick off two major metropolitan areas. Pottymouth mourns Boston’s loss of the <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/tonyblengino/2022/12/08/new-padre-xander-bogaerts-bat-sure-is-going-to-miss-fenway-park/?sh=40eef8bf318f">XMan to Xan Diego</a>, and Patti shares the DMV’s piled-on feeling of Trea to Phils – another former Nat back to a rival NL East team. Josh Bell to the Guards just puts another jersey on Patti’s Christmas list. We kick off our off-season boyfriend profile picks with the As and the Nats. Pottymouth stocks up on catchers early with Oakland’s <a href="https://fanaticsview.com/baseball/shea-langeliers-reacts-to-making-his-mlb-debut-with-oakland-as-reveals-his-favorite-mlb-players/">Shea Langeliers</a>, and brings along his <a href="https://ragincajuns.com/sports/softball/roster/alexa-langeliers/8548">star athlete sister</a> as a bonus. Patti selects <a href="https://theathletic.com/1662214/2020/03/08/while-grinding-on-the-field-as-outfielder-seth-brown-prepared-for-life-off-it/">Seth Brown</a>, the man with both Dad Power and a backup plan. We go all “hey new guy!” with the Nats as Pottymouth chooses rising star and bobblehead to be <a href="https://www.mlb.com/news/10-things-to-know-about-cj-abrams">C.J. Abrams</a>, and Patti declares it to be “Get it to Joey” time with <a href="https://www.theringer.com/mlb/2022/9/2/23334457/joey-meneses-washington-nationals-juan-soto-trade">Joey Meneses</a>. The balls in the hopper set an anti-tanking precedent as the <a href="https://theathletic.com/3978040/2022/12/07/first-mlb-draft-lottery/">2023 draft</a> order is determined at the Winter Meetings. Is it weird that 13 of the 15 players taken in the <a href="https://www.mlb.com/press-release/press-release-2022-rule-5-draft-summary">Rule 5 draft</a> are pitchers? Congrats to TJ House on his engagement! And we assign you homework: read about the <a href="https://www.insider.com/mlb-used-two-balls-again-this-year-and-evidence-points-to-a-third-2022-12">Goldilocks balls</a>